It is incredibly important that you attend the first session together. The success of our work will be highly dependent on the relationship we form in our sessions and your confidence that I am neutral and unbiased.

I see you both at the first session so I can hear your story together. You’ll each attend a one-on-one session with me next, before we return to joint sessions. Occasionally it might be beneficial to have an individual session during the therapy, but if I see one of you for an individual check-in, I like to balance that out by seeing the other individually also. It is very important that neither of you feels that I am more aligned with one partner than the other.

Many people in an unhappy relationship spend a lot of time telling their partners what is wrong with them or their behaviour and how they’d like them to change. Guess what? They discover in time this change just doesn’t happen.

A misconception many people have about counselling goes something like this: “If I tell someone else what you’re doing wrong, you’ll finally be forced to hear me, or the counsellor will explain it to you, and you’ll have to change and everything will become better.”

There is a tiny bit of truth in this – people do seem to hear each other better at relationship counselling. But counselling isn’t a place where one person is allowed to criticise and run down their partner at length. Criticism is destructive and won’t help. Instead I’ll be helping you to express how you’re feeling underneath the critical comments – you’ll be able to hear each other so much more easily and set about modifying destructive behaviours.

My sessions run for one hour and 15 minutes – sometimes we go over, but I try hard to avoid that. Most practitioners run 50 minute sessions, but I find we are just getting into the heart of things at that point. Stopping feels unproductive and disappointing.

I understand that for some couples the cost of counselling is an important factor in deciding whether to seek help. I try to keep my fees as low as possible as I understand it can be a lot of money for couples to find.  However, given the length of my sessions my rate is very reasonably priced particularly in relation to other Canberra based agencies. For lower income earners or couples under financial stress, I highly recommend government-subsidised organisations such as Relationships Australia who offer an excellent service. For higher income earners my rate is very competitive and you’ll get an appointment sooner.

I cannot work with a couple if one person has disclosed to me they are having an affair and won’t disclose it to the other partner. I am reluctant to work with couples where one has a severe addiction issue although that can be OK if I work in tandem with another practitioner providing that person with individual support.

It is fairly straightforward. If neither of you want to break up, you need to give relationship counselling a good try.

If one of you is leaning towards separation, but either of you sees a chance of working things out and staying together, you need to try discernment counselling. Read more about discernment on my mediation page.

If the relationship has definitely and unequivocally ended, you need to go to mediation.

If you’ve separated and you are struggling, you may see me for break up support.