"In short, intensives provide a way to work on your relationship in an environment free from other distractions. Without interruptions, in an intensive couples can make exponential progress."
A significant part of relationship counselling is unpeeling layers and getting to the heart of our emotional disconnection, of seeing issues and emotional blocks that are in the way of being happy together.
Ever notice that you and your partner have solid intentions to sit down and have a serious talk about how things are going, only to find the conversation completely falls off the rails and ends in a fight or one person walking off? In a couples intensive it's much harder for that to happen. Your therapist is there to keep you on track, to help you understand why you’re getting stuck and keep the conversation flowing with a minimum of angst.
In attending weekly counselling, insights that are starting to come clear in a session can easily be lost and obscured in the business and stress of daily life. Valuable session time will be dedicated to backtracking and re-covering the same issues and insights.
In counselling intensives backtracking will still happen, of course, as we often have to see an issue again and again from every angle until finally we gain clarity about what underlies the problem. However far less time is wasted in a counselling intensive in revisiting and re-exploring.
For some couples, going home after an intensive is difficult as issues come up again and it might be weeks or months until their next intensive. Weekly counselling might suit these clients better. As issues arise at home, they get to come in and unpack with Janine what got triggered and what exactly when wrong. Other couples may find that time in an intensive takes them to a deeper level of understanding more quickly, and insights seem to get reinforced and stick and they are less likely to be triggered as often.
It is unlikely that a one or two day intensive will resolve longstanding issues completely. It's just a good way to fast track progress. Ideally, you would feel connected and safe enough with each other after an intensive to be able to manage unpacking your issues alone, or you might be able to follow up with a therapist closer to home or with Janine in a future session. In other words, there would be few couples who would have a one or two day intensive and have long standing issues completely resolved, however for couples with minor communication or single issues to resolved, an intensive might just be enough.
Janine will also present important relationship educational material at appropriate times to help you move through stuck places.
You should be finished around 4.30 pm. That will be 6 hours of face-to-face counselling. You will probably be tired – it is intense (but rewarding) work. It might be the first time ever that you’ve really been able to talk with your partner on a deeper level. It might be the first time ever that you’ve really recognised deeper things in yourself to explain to your partner..
For many couples things start to go a little off track and they keep on, pretending everything is OK or preferring not to go through the embarrassment of couples therapy. Things get worse over the years and they end up in therapy anyway. Many people comment that they wish they had come to counselling years earlier, where years of pain could have been side-stepped or avoided.
Couples intensives can be extremely rewarding and positive for couples like this. If it is early in your relationship or early in your relationship distress, I encourage you to consider a relationship intensive to get things on track before things become too painful or hard to unravel.
A third type of couple are those considering marriage or commitment and starting a family, who have some doubts or who want to make sure they are on the same page. These couples want to make sure the relationship is solid before taking important steps together. Again this is a wonderful intention and intensives can be highly rewarding for these couples.
If you have definitely decided to leave a relationship, attending an intensive would be unfair for you and your spouse. If you are unsure about staying or leaving, however, an intensive would be an excellent way to unpack what you both have done to contribute to the breakdown of a relationship. This could either lead to healing and the start of “marriage #2” – a wonderful phase of connection that you might not have thought possible, or a much more amicable and resolved separation.
If there are power and control, domestic violence or severe addiction or dependency issues in your relationship, a couples intensive will not be appropriate. It may also not be appropriate for couples with trauma backgrounds, where the intensity of a long day may be too much. If you are planning on coming to an intensive this will be a careful discussion with Janine before the intensive is scheduled.
