In many cases coming to FDR (Family Dispute Resolution) is compulsory if you want to go to Court to argue about shared parenting arrangements with children. This has been the case since 2006 when mediation was identified as a constructive way to help resolve conflict and keep matters from choking up the Family Court system. It has been a spectacular success – the number of expensive fights in Court have reduced significantly since mediation was fully endorsed.

For example, if your case isn’t considered urgent and is a fairly straightforward case without safety issues, you might need to attend mediation and get a certificate from a mediator to say you’ve tried mediation before you can go to Court. If you are unsure about this, it is an important issue to check out with your lawyer.

Some people go to Court to contest matters to do with their children and are ordered back to mediation by a Family Court judge.

For many reasons it is simply better to attempt mediation before attempting Court. See my “parenting mediation” and “tips for preparing for parenting mediation” pages for more info.

Some people have had legal advice when they come to see me, and some haven’t.

I do not like to mediate unless both parties have received legal advice. It is important that everyone has a realistic idea of what might be considered “fair” in the Family Court. Then they can negotiate an agreement that is fair to both parties and that they won’t regret later.

Sometimes people go back to their lawyer for advice along the way, even calling them in private breaks during the mediation session. This is encouraged if it helps you get an agreement you are fully satisfied with.

Specialist family lawyers will advise you as to whether your agreement is on track. Money spent on legal advice is well spent if it saves you an expensive Court battle. I don’t want to see you wasting money on a Court case – but am happy to see you spend it on astute advice. (And when I say “good advice” I don’t include in that you getting advice from the guy next door or your sister’s father in law who used to be a lawyer.)

You might have heard about certificates from your lawyer or someone else. I am authorised by the Commonwealth Attorney General’s Department to issue you a certificate for the Family Court that might say you tried to come to mediation but that your partner would not participate, or that you tried mediation and it didn’t work, or that I thought mediation was unsuitable in your case. This allows you to proceed to Court.

Because I am an accredited FDRP, everything you tell me in your private session is confidential from the other party. It is my job to keep it entirely to myself so you can feel safe with your position. I’m very experienced at keeping confidences in this way.

Most content of a mediation is not admissible as evidence in the Family Court, so generally speaking, it is a confidential process. However, if there are safety issues involved, my records could be subpoenaed by the Court later.

You and your ex-partner set the agenda with my help. If you both agree, you can talk about almost anything you’d like that is relevant to the two of you and your children.

For topics look at the property settlement or parenting plan pages – but examples might include:

- Parenting arrangements for your children – where your children live, how much time they spend with each of you, how you make decisions about their
- health and education and what happens at Christmas;
- Dividing up your assets and property;
- Agreements about spousal maintenance;
- Contact of children with their grandparents and extended family;
- Private financial agreements around child support;
- How to communicate successfully after you’re separated.

Support people are sometimes really helpful to bring along. I recommend it in some cases where I feel it might help. If you’d like to bring a support person the other party needs to approve that person, and their role in the mediation is not to have a voice at the table – just to sit with you and talk to you in the breaks. It is not often helpful to bring a new partner, although very occasionally it has happened and been OK.

Yes, grandparents are more than welcome to instigate mediations as an alternate pathway to Court for getting to spend time with their grandchildren.